7 Months into Marriage – The Good and the Bad

2012
09.17

Dear reader(s),

I felt like writing a post today. Recently all my Dreamhost WordPress blogs were hacked, including this one, and now we’re back online, so let’s write something to celebrate. (Ditch Dreamhost, by the way. Choose Hostgator instead. Way better customer service, and service overall.)

So, it’s been over 7 months of marriage. I thought I’d let you know what it’s like. What’s good, and what isn’t so good.

I think that being married is can be perfectly described as being in a long-term relationship, but with added responsibility. You now have to worry more about your partner’s well-being, as it’s directly correlated to your own.

In some ways, this is good. Companionship is important. Studies have shown that it keeps people alive longer. It’s good to feel that someone is there for you, will laugh at your lame jokes, will confide in you, feed you, dance with you, give you compliments, etc. It’s nice.

In some ways, it’s bad. Your added responsibility will face the backlash if anything ever goes wrong. I’ve felt the brunt of a bad day many times. I’ve felt resentment that her expectations sometimes seem too lofty for me. I’ve dealt with childish behavior and bursts of untamed anger.

But at the same time, we’re all flawed. She’s dealt with my bullshit too. Sometimes I’m a bit on the lazy side. She’ll come home and I’ll still be in my underwear, or I’ll completely forget something that she told me. It happens all the time. What results is a merry go round of her being pissed with me, and me being upset at her being pissed. Sounds pretty frustrating and dumb right? It is.

Resentment is a dangerous thing though. It kills relationships. Instead of festering in a place of resentment I’ve learned to say what I need to say and remove myself from the heated situation. I don’t always remember to do so, and we definitely have our share of arguments because of it.

But she’s made some big personal strides lately. As an immigrant, it’s tough to find work, friends, etc. She’s working hard at that, and I admire her for it. I know I wouldn’t be peachy and happy in a country where I was away from friends, family, and didn’t speak the language perfectly. Sure I could deal with it short term, knowing I’d always have the chance to go home, but in her case, she’s locked into the idea of being with me here. That can’t be too easy on her.

My friend who married a girl from Costa Rica said the first 18 months are the most difficult. We’ll see how that compares to my experience.

 

 

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