Final Thoughts on Brazil, LMR, AA, Etc.


I leave Brazil tomorrow evening. After 2 days of torrential downpours, I’m just about ready to depart. I’ve been living the pampered travel existence with my friend N who is a internet marketing baller, so that’s been a big difference compared to my earlier travels. Nicer beds, hotter showers, but less young travelers eager to socialize.

I will miss many things about Brazil… I feel more nostalgic about this country already than Argentina. I have enjoyed:

  • Learning Portguese, the language that at first sounded like people spoke with marbles in their mouth – which now I can almost understand street conversation and can flirt in Portuguese
  • ACAI! My favorite snack, so delicious, icy, fruity, and good for you. (Also pure coconut water)
  • Brazilian women. My oh my, how I will miss Brazilian women. I will check out areas of New York like Astoria that apparently have lots of them around, but I know it won’t be the same. The most sexy, beautiful women I have ever seen. They are in general playful, flirtatious, and think it’s strange if you don’t make out with them after 1 minute of conversation.
  • Forro and Funky.  Two types of dances, one is slow and sensual, the other is like having sex with your clothes on.
  • Carnaval (see previous post)
  • Unbelievable beaches (Itacare! Caraiva! Ipanema! It goes on, and on. Never have I seen a country with so much beauty before.)
  • Kilo restaurants. I have eaten more healthy in this country than in my own. Fresh fruits, fresh veggies, and for a reasonable price.

There are more things to add, like Japanese nuts, Guarana soda, being able to rock a speedo like a pimp, and meeting lots of interesting travelers.

More on LMR: My last encounter was with a girl that worked at a soap shop at the touristy Pao de Azucar. N and I had traveled over to the tourist haven, and it was raining. The visibility was awful at the top, which I was upset about. But – we were opened by a blonde brazilian girl and chatted with her and her average looking friends for a while, and ended up each making out with one, which was pretty fun. Mine was super tall and had braces… I didn’t really want to, but I had to for symmetry’s sake when I saw N making out with the other chick. My girl, the WNBA player with braces, was kissing me for a long time, so N wandered over near a soap shop to order a drink. I went over there with a stupid smile on my face at half-mast, and I see this little dark haired girl at the edge of the soap shop smiling at us. So I give her a little wave, we go over there, and begin chatting.

After some quite dirty things said in english by this girl, we decide to wait for her and her co-worker to get a drink or an ice cream when they get off work. We hang out for a while longer, I talk to her co-worker who only speaks portuguese. We all leave, N makes out with the dark haired chick on the cable car. I don’t. Apparently the co-worker is confused as to why I didn’t make a move on her.

We go to the mall. N is kissing his girl. I am not. His girl tells me things like “Hold her hand, she’s shy.” I nearly decide not to hook up with this girl, even thought she’s pretty cute, because of how much I dislike being pressured. Eventually we sit on a bench. N and his girl are making out again, I have nothing interesting left to say to my girl, so I say “Quer beso?” and we are making out for a while until she says that she’s shy. Later I find out that she likes Nickleback. Huge red flag. But I’m only in it for the one night stand anyhow.

The dark haired bossy girl that N was hooking up with tells us she and her friend will meet us at our hotel, which was way up in the hills of Rio, in a hard to reach location. Amazingly they show up a couple hours later. Dark haired girl wants the cockle right away, so I take my girl downstairs by the pool area of the hotel. She pushes me away after I grab her juicy fat ass. After this back and forth happens more than a few times, I feel like I’m overheating and can’t deal with her bullshit any longer. The other 2 come down there and I go up to the room for some water. I truly don’t care at this point. I am “pushing” away, feeling frustrated and not wanting to have to interact with a Nickleback fan any longer, no matter how plump her breasts are.

I get a bottle of water and come back downstairs. Now the dark haired chick tells co-worker with fat ass that she should go upstairs with me, and that she will wait downstairs. Uh.. sweet. Yes, I tell her. Come upstairs with me and give me a massage, let’s go! And we go.

Upstairs I deal with more of the same bullshit for what felt like an hour – kissing, escalating, being turned away – 1 step forward, 2 steps back etc. She would pull her shirt back up (!) and would just want to kiss. I froze out, I told her she could leave if she wanted, and then finally took enough baby steps and slowly escalated at the right time until she agreed that she wanted the deacon. I was so worked up and tense that the lay was very fast and not all that great, but shit, it was an excersize in patience and defeating LMR, which was enough of a sticking point that I wrote about it in my last post. I jumped out of bed, clicked my heels like a leprauchan, and added another gold star to my Scummy McScummberbag treasure chest.

On AA (Approach Anxiety) I’ll keep this short because this post is already too long. I was at the beach in Morro do Sao Paolo and this chick looks decent and appears on her own. I see her looking over, but I let the moment pass more than once. The problem is I didn’t have a question ready at the time. So I go for a swim, relax, come back, and ask her “Is there a beach party tonight?” This turns into a long conversation with her and her friend that later appears. We then go out for dinner with jokes and stories and pizza, followed by lots of beers, followed by me tagging her friend in my dirty hotel room followed by the ocean, bringing my Brazilian flag count to 4, with 3 of the 4 not speaking a lick of english.

And now I prepare myself to leave. And I’m ready to go, I feel like I’m coming down with yet another cold, my feet are cut up and fucked up, and I need to put in some good hours of work. I have barely worked on this trip on my websites and such, and I can feel the effects.

Will I be back to Brazil? Fuck yeah. If I can help it. I love this country.

One Response to “Final Thoughts on Brazil, LMR, AA, Etc.”

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